Saturday, January 02, 2010

My Dream Date with Carrie Fisher

Having devoured Carrie Fisher's latest tome, Wishful Drinking, I am left with a burning desire to meet her, to sit down and listen to her retell me these tales of her Hollywood upbringing, her ongoing battle/love affair with narcotics and alcohol, and her propensity for turning men bald and/or gay.  Yeah, I know, I should have seen her one woman show (which is  basically what the book is based on).  Well, I did not see the show, so I will continue to imagine my dream date with Ms. Fisher.

...first I pick her up at Philadelphia airport, she's traveling light so there's only really one bag and that will fit in my car...immediately we hit it off, and she starts telling me about her (mostly absent) father, Eddie Fisher, and how he hails from Philadelphia-specifically, South Philly; so with that in mind, I drive over to the City of Brotherly Love's land of Cheestakes, Mummers and Mafioso; the same place, ironically, that I hail from...we stop in to the Melrose Diner for breakfast and she starts talking about her father, she loves him, but does not like him - I really can't blame her, he sounds like a real cad...later on we drive back into Center City and stop at TLA video on Rittenhouse Square and pick up a copy of "What's The Matter With Helen" and "Mother" - two of my favorite films that star Carrie's Mom, Debbie Reynolds. She reminds me that whenever her mother calls she says, "Hello dear, this is your mother, Debbie" it turns out there's one of those sci fi conventions going on in town, we stop in and instantly, Carrie is swamped by geek boys of every age, shape and size, and they all tell her how much Princess Leia meant to them, and still does.  We both have a good laugh over this, and she reminds them that her likeness as the Princess can be found also as a shampoo bottle and a Pez dispenser... after the convention, we head on over to a coffee house and suck down a couple of cappuccino's and Carrie starts talking about her ex husband, Paul Simon.  When "Graceland" starts playing on the jukebox at the coffee house, we figure that's a sign and take our leave ... I figure it's time to prove to her that familial dysfunction does not just thrive in that hotbed of craziness that is Hollywood, no, it can also be found in the quaint little homes of the blue collar town in South Jersey were I spent my formative years. Carrie and my mother really like each other, and that's no surprise, if you ever met my mom, she'd remind you of Debbie Reynolds as well.  My father tells her that he was a big fan of Eddie Fisher.  She smiles politely and then rolls her eyes when she thinks no one is looking.  After a huge Italian meal, we leave my parent's house and head on over to public library where we search for the "Abnormal Psychology" text book that feature's Princess Leia's face in the section entitled, "The Biology of Bipolar Disorder" ... that we've found the book, we both start laughing uncontrollably, which causes the stern-faced librarian to shush us both and ask us to leave ... the car ride to her hotel is filled with stories about rehab, Cary Grant as a drug counselor, and, of course, the tale of the gay friend of hers who died in her bed...naturally, when Carrie asks if I want to spend the night in her room, I defer as I know that a gay man who sleeps in Carrie Fisher's bed might not make it to the morning - then again, since she herself has admitted to turning men both gay and bald, I ponder the chance of defying death and waking up straight as well as with a head full of hair!  Nonetheless, it's been a great day, and after I drop her off, I tell her that I'll swing by in the morning for breakfast and she promises to tell me more stories...I am all smiles, she's my own Scheherazade, and I can hardly wait for more tales; one thousand and one hysterically dysfunctional date nights.


missmagnoliathunderpussy said...

Darling what a wonderful day! Of course you must ask her to tell you the stories about Miss Debbie (her mother) and Judy Garland's Ruby Slippers not to mention other items of "Hot" movie memoribilia.

Virginia Gal said...

I had no idea you had such a thing for Ms. Fisher. You learn something new everyday!

missmagnoliathunderpussy said...

Darling Miss Virginia, I'll bet you also didn't know that back in the day when they where starting to film Star Wars Miss Carrie spotted our Pax on a Los Angeles street and coppied his "Cheese Danish" hair-do for the movie.