Friday, January 05, 2007

Surgical Consultation

This morning I paid a visit to Dr. Unpronounceable Lastname at The Swanky City Medical Center and Coffee Bar so that we could discuss my hernia and upcoming surgery.

I confess, I am being a big baby over all of this, but the last time I had surgery (other than dental) was when I had my tonsils out, and that was back in the Jurassic period. Happily, Dr. Lastname's assistant, Nurse Kindly, put me at ease. She realized how nervous I was when my blood pressure was through the roof, so she sat and talked and laid the whole procedure out for me. It worked, I was not as freaked as I was earlier.

After Nurse Kindly re-took my vitals, Dr. Unpronounceable Lastname came in to the exam room and examined me. He is of Filipino decent, and seemed like a nice guy. I should mention he had a thick accent. ... but a peculiar thing occurred during the examination.

OK, if you are being examined for a hernia, you know that part of the procedure is the "turn your head and cough" part when they grab your balls. Well it was during this particular moment when Dr. Lastname said, "You have the big testicles".

"Excuse me?" I said, my pants around my ankles.

"You have the big testicles", he repeated in his thick accent.

I panicked for a second and said something like, "Is that because of the hernia, is something else wrong...?"

"No, no", he laughed, his hands still cupping my balls, "I just say this because you have big ones, that's all, now pull up pants and we will talk about your surgery".

Fully embarrassed, but all ears, I listened as he told me about the procedure as well as the recovery period which he indicated could take up to two to three weeks. Apparently, since I've never had any real surgery in my life, It might take me longer to heal.

Once the consultation was done, I met with yet another person at the medical center and scheduled my surgery for February 12th.

After it was over I took my self, my hernia, and my big balls to Starbucks and enjoyed a Cinnamon Latte and wondered if telling someone that they have big testicles is what passes for a good bedside manner these days...


Anonymous said...

Always knew you had big ones :)

When's your surgery man?


Anonymous said...

Can we have pictures?

(of the balls obviously, not the surgery)