Monday, November 28, 2005

Pax, Pax, Pax, You Don't Even Know...You're Being Glib: 210 Words on War of The Worlds

cruise: dull suprise -- fanning: hoping for a good stiff drink

Question: Is Tom Cruise the worst actor of our day?

Answer: Of course!

Witness Tom’s latest offering, a remake of "War of the Worlds" directed by Steven Spielberg. Dear god, were it not for the special effects, this movie would have been like sitting through a root canal…

Question: Is Dakota Fanning the scariest little child actor alive?

Answer: Of course!

Little Dak’s plays Tommy’s daughter; frankly the kid creeps me out. What is she 10 going on 45? I half expect that the little tyke was smoking Virginia Slims and downing vodka and tonics in between takes. Good heavens, is there a school somewhere in Hollywood that churns out these precocious little Über tykes?

Question: Can Spielberg still deliver the goods?

Answer: Pretty much so!

Would that he had cast a real actor in the main role, he might have really had a decent film on his hands. As it is, one must suffer through Cruise’s mechanical acting and grinning (I counted five shots of those scary choppers in the first ten minutes of the film…before things got heavy and Tommy reverted to that other trade mark look of his, dull surprise).

Question: Should you rent "War of the Worlds"?

Answer: Nah, wait until it comes on HBO.

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