Sunday, October 16, 2005

Identity (Non) Crisis

I went back to my mother
I said, "I'm crazy ma, help me."
She said, "I know how it feels son,
'Cause it runs in the family."

Can you see the real me…pete townsend


  • Several days ago a letter arrived from my bank informing me that my ATM/Visa card had been “compromised”; someone had gotten my numbers and made some questionable on-line purchases. I was the victim of an identity theft.  Luckily, the bank caught the error and they were going to take care of the situation…

  • The other day, I started another blog. It’s my real blog, the real me; or is it?  Of course not, this blog is the real me … or is it?  For all anyone reading this knows, I might have two or three other blog-personalities floating around out there…which one is me?

  • Sometimes when I am talking to my father, he calls me by his brother’s name.  This is nothing new.  He’s been doing this as long as I can recall.

  • And tonight…

…I went to Atlantic City with Whatshisname to help him set up for a book expo that is going on there.  It was being held one of the ball rooms of a rather prestigious hotel and casino.  In order for me to get into the room, I needed an I.D. badge.  My partner gave me one from one his co-workers.

Tonight I was “Bil Simon”.  That’s right, Bil with one “L”.

After we set up the table, I meandered about the room to see what kind of freebies I could get (these expos are loaded with SWAG, so, a SWAGING I went).  At this one display a woman stopped me and said, “Bil?  Bil Simon?  Are you really Bil Simon?  I read your book…” I was about to tell her that she had the wrong guy when I realized that she was reading my name tag ; and so she went on gabbing about the book I wrote about The New Jersey Coast, and how much she enjoyed it…  I thanked her, as I am sure Mr. Simon would have wanted her thanked and excused my self.

When I got back to the display that we had set up earlier I saw a book called, “The Jersey Coast” by Bil Simon!

I grabbed Whatshisname and said, “Hey, you didn’t tell me that your co-worker wrote a book!

Don’t worry, no one has read that thing…”

Yeah, well, I think I just met his only fan and she’s a real Annie Wilkes!”

A few moments later I went over to the bar to get a couple of Cokes and the bartender said, “Is that your real name?  Bill with only one L?”

I smiled, as I am sure Bil Simon would smile and said, “It was my agent’s idea, he figured my real name was so common…

The bartender, an older man with swept back gray hair said, “So how do you pronounce your name do you say it like Bill or do you say it a different way?”

You just spit it out, pal” I said paying for the soft drinks.

Back at the display I picked up a copy of the book and saw that there was no photograph of the real “Bil Simon” on the back cover.  So I figured that I was safe.

Later on, I left the ball room and strolled down to the casino and played a few slot machines.  I sat my ass down at one of those nickel machines and put in a five dollar bill and –son of a gun- I hit for 70.00 bucks!  I cashed out then and there and left the casino and went back upstairs where I fanned my winnings in the face of Whatshisname.  “Dinner’s on me sport”, I said feeling like I’d just won the Kentucky Derby…

On the way back home I decided that Bil Simon was my lucky persona for the day.  I might keep him for awhile, then again, who knows, I might really be Bil Simon, right?


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