As a public service to the hundreds of thousands of my faithful readers, here is a recap of the REAL news stories of the week:
Tyra's Tits Legit: (and the world breathes a collective sigh of relief):
Tyra Banks underwent a sonogram on her own television show to quell rumors that she had breast implants.
Italian Tourists Witness Porn Shoot at Munich Oktoberfest: (no, I am not making this up):
...the group of Italians were quite unprepared for the arrival of two men toting cameras and a woman who started to use a vibrator.
Meet My New Best Friends from South Orange, NJ:
N.J. couple sole winners of $258 million Mega Millions jackpot
Tennessee Holy Roller Does Not Want Folks Playing Soccer on Sunday morning (I guess his god is not a Beckman fan):
"I am concerned that we are not sending the right message to the community by having tournaments and league play during worship hours,"
Holy Roller School in Canada Does Not Want Heather to Have Two Mommies (up-tight fuckers throw girl out of school because her parents are a lesbian couple):
"Your family does not meet the policies of admission," Superintendent Leonard Stob wrote to Tina Clark, the girl's mother.