Saturday, September 10, 2005

Northeast Philly Bike Riding Pastry Thief Strikes Again

Philadelphia PA: Police are asking that citizens be on the lookout for a Northeast woman who is wanted for questioning in the robbery of several up-scale pastry shops in the greater Delaware Valley.

The suspect who is described as a voluptuous woman in her late 20’s or early 30’s was last seen fleeing a bakery on Cottman Avenue with several boxes of fresh baked goods. Witnesses claim she was “riding like the wind” on a ten-speed bicycle.

A local resident who wishes to remain anonymous stated that the suspect plowed through customers waiting in line at The Country Club Bakery and Restaurant and snatched the boxes of baked goods from a patron who was about to pay for them. Eyewitnesses claim that the woman, who is described as a “stunning raven haired beauty”, was laughing manically and saying something about her “Sweet fanny”.

Some witness claim that the alleged perpetrator, in what is being called a blatant disregard for safety, was not wearing a helmet, gloves or knee guards. “She’s obviously a deranged Catholic” said Mrs. Anne Moskowitz of Center City, “I saw one of those holy medals around her neck! Oy, it’s an outrage!”

Police Detective, Skippy Romano is urging all citizens to approach the suspect with extreme caution and warns that the alleged is probably one of those “creative types prone to outbursts like this; she’s probably doing all of this for research on her next book or something”.

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