Tuesday, August 10, 2004

My Dentist is a Player

Yesterday afternoon I spent an hour and half at the dentist.

I had an impacted wisdom tooth that had to come out.

So at two o clock yesterday I entered the office of Dr. Martin Love, DDS and prepared myself for a bloody, numbing experience.

First though, let me tell you a little about Dr. Love.

Dr. Love is this thirty something guy with the most incredible blue eyes I have ever seen. He’s handsome, tall and has this deep sexy voice. It's not lost on me that everyone seems taken with Dr. Love. His office staff are all attractive, blond haired bimbettes that all reefer to him as "Dr. M." ; Really, these women all look like Hooters Girls. I refer to them as "Dr. Love's Harem".

Dr. Love also seems to be involved in a lot of outside endeavors, he's on several boards of several different banks, and is also a member of a half a dozen different organizations. You know these things because of the numerous plaques and certifications that dot the walls of his office (along with pictures of his golf buddies and family members). Yeah, Dr. Love is A Player.

So anyway, when I first get there I am shuffled into the hygienist’s room. Her name is Bunny and as she scrapes, picks and sandblasts my teeth I hear all about her new boyfriend and her new condo, and her new car, and her new dog, and her new wardrobe ...it's exhausting.

Another thing about Bunny is that she has this incredible rack.

I mean, I may be coming at this from another direction, but her bust is so overwhelming, I can barely keep my eyes off her chest as she hovers above me cleaning and chatting.

Finally, Bunny is through with me and I am now ushered into Dr. Love's room.

The first thing I notice is that he’s let his hair grow out. He looks like a surfer dude, complete with a few streaks of faux blond in his otherwise dark brown locks.

Again though, I am so entranced by his eyes that I barely notice anything else, that is until he shoves the needle into my gum to numb me and does a root canal. Damn, I was not expecting this, seems that I needed one. As he's sticking things in my mouth and picking away at my gums he informs me that he will not be able to actually take the impacted wisdom tooth out, no, I will have to go see the Dental Surgeon, Dr. Phibes, for that one.

"Mfulk uik mgigil", I say my mouth full of hardware.

"Sorry, Pax, but I prefer the surgeon do this procedure, but good thing you came in we need to get this root canal done."

Forty five minutes later, I am well over my infatuation with Dr. Love. I just want to get the hell out of there.

At the main desk, my mouth sore and swollen, Buffy the office manager hands me a referral slip for Dr. Phibes, the oral surgeon, "Ok Mr. Romano, here's your referral and lets make an appointment for a follow up", I am so out of it I just nod my head and agree to whatever it is she is saying to me.

As I am leaving the office I notice a picture on the wall, It's a small photo by the front door. I squint to take a look and have to blink a few times I can’t believe what I am seeing; It's a photo of Dr. Love surrounded by Hooters Girls.

Yeah, Dr. Love, he's A Player.

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Anonymous said...

careful of dr. phibes, i hear he's abominable when he rises. ;)

14damoney said...

A player? How bout a good dentist?? That's what's important!