Friday, October 31, 2008

PAX's BIG ASS PAGE OF HALLOWEEN GOODNESS!

Happy Halloween!

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The Truth about Candy Corn:


Anyone who does not like candy corn, can not be trusted! -- Pax Romano


While some sources claim that candy corn was invented by George Renninger sometime in the 1800's; the true aficionado of this confectionery delicacy understands that it has been around since the dawn of time. Even the bible makes mention of it:

From the book of Genesis 002:666 -- And God said, "Let us now make the most fabulous foodstuff , and let us make it in shades of white and orange and yellow, and let us fill it with such sugary goodness it will make men's eyes roll back in their heads, and let us call it Candy Corn". And god made the candy corn, and saw that it was good.


Most of you know the important role that Candy Corn has played in history; the ancient Aztecs used it to trade for goods... the Greeks built several temples out of candy corn... the Romans paid their most prized servants with it who in turn used it to buy their freedom ... the Great Candy Corn Crusade was of course one of the most brutal battles of the middle ages ...and, of course, every school child remembers the story of the Cleveland Candy Corn Party.

During World War II, Candy Corn was in such demand by our troops in The Pacific, special operatives delivered the goodie in dangerous midnight runs -- maybe you read the book about these brave men, The Corn Runners, that was made into an Oscar winning film that starred Clark Gable and Betty Grable.


To truly understand what makes the tri-colored taste treat so special, one only need know the secret ingredients: see chart below



Fun Candy Corn Facts:


* Recently, the USDA has added Candy Corn to its food pyramid.

* Studies have shown that children who get at least three, six ounce, servings of Candy Corn daily, grow up to be well-adjusted, and do better in school than children who abstain from Candy Corn.

* Albert Einstein ate six bags of Candy Corn every day of his life!

* One kernel of Candy Corn has as much protein as a 15 ounce steak!

* During the month of October, some Catholic Churches replace the Communion bread with a special Host shaped piece of Candy Corn.


Finally, if you want to drink your daily dose of Candy Corn: try a Candy Corn Margarita!

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Fave Foto Friday For Halloween, 2008 Picked by Miss Magnolia:Here's Mags at Last Year's Halloween Ball held at 21!

Joan Crawford and Bette Davis in a publicity shot for Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte ... of course, we all know that Joan never appeared in that film, but she was pretty close to doing it.

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How to Survive Halloween Night in Haddonfield Illinois.


Babysitting can be a lucrative way to make some extra money. Most teen girls have engaged in it and have pocketed some nice walking around cash for their troubles...

However, as history has taught us, there are certain dates and places, one should never agree to "watch the kids" while the adults are out.

Submitted is a survival guide for anyone who agrees to babysit on Halloween night in the bucolic suburb that is Haddonfield Illinois.

1: If your little brother is prone to clown costumes and playing with butcher knives, lock him up for the night -- especially if you plan on having sex with your boyfriend. Trust me on this one.

2: Under no circumstances agree to "drop off the keys" at the "Old Myers Place". Tell your father to do it himself. Besides, he's the real-estate agent, not you!

3: The second that odd-ball doctor from the mental health hospital shows up in town with dire warnings of impending doom: PAY ATTENTION TO HIM!

5: If you must babysit on Halloween, make sure that you are still a virgin (as well as an A-list student), or at the very least, avoid having sex while your supposed to be watching the children...
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6: When walking home from school with your girlfriends avoid yelling out to cars that are marked, "State of Illinois". That cute guy from history class, does not drive a state owned vehicle!

7A: Ladies, keep your breasts covered!
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7B: Honey, that guy in the sheet is NOT your boyfriend!

8: As always, the police will be of no help.

9: Knitting needles and sharp knives can be a baby-sitter's best friend. Become proficient in the use of both!

10: Yes, as a matter of fact, It was the Boogie Man. He's not dead, he never willkiss die. If you've survived the night, it's probably because he's your brother (go check those sealed records). Move to Europe, change your name, and prepare for a lifetime of therapy.


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How to Survive a Night at the Bates Motel
Let's say you've been driving for a long time on an old highway, and you find yourself falling asleep at the wheel. Up in the distance you see a sign flickering, a motel! A motel, with a vacancy!

Like any safety minded traveler, you might be tempted to pull in and find a bed for the night. Should you find yourself in a similar situation, the following rules should be followed at all times.

1: If you've recently absconded with a large sum of money that your employer thinks you are depositing in the local bank on his behalf, turn around and go to the bank and deposit the money...that married man you are having an affair with ain't worth it, sister!

2
: Never, under any circumstances, trade your car in for a new one!


3: No matter what; let your sister know what you are doing and where you are going!


4: As sweet and as charming, in an awkward way, the motel manager is, DO NOT agree to have grilled cheese sandwiches with him!

5: Check your room for peep-holes, especially near the bathroom wall.

6: NO SHOWERS. AMEN, END OF WARNING!

7: Keep the bathroom door locked and bolted at all times!

8: That nice old lady in the periwinkle blue dress is not going to be able to help you!

9: Trust no one else donning a periwinkle blue dress.

10: As much as you've promised to patronize independent businesses, bypass the Bates Motel and spend the night at a Motel 6.

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The One Stop For All Your Halloween Needs!



This is Halloween, everybody make a scene
Trick or treat till the neighbors die of fright
It's our town, everybody scream
In this town of Halloween
--danny elfman, "this is halloween"


* Joe, over at Freudian Slips shows us a rather novel jack-o-lantern: CLICK HERE.

* Homepage of The Dead, the ultimate site for Zombie lovers!: CLICK HERE.

* Craving a good scary movie for tonight? Best Horror Movies.Com can help: CLICK HERE.

* Freak out all of your Born Again Christian friends...send them this link, Samhain.com: CLICK HERE.

* Explore the Fantasy and Folklore of All Hallows: CLICK HERE.

* For all you lazy-asses, here is a place to carve a Virtual Jack-O-Lantern! CLICK HERE

* And for you analytical types, here's How Halloween Works: CLICK HERE

* Read all about the Ancient Origins of Halloween, CLICK HERE

* Halloween is Not Satanic, so sayeth these Witches! CLICK HERE

* What Fundamentalist Christians don’t want you to know about Halloween: CLICK HERE

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* A Victorian Perspective on Halloween: CLICK HERE

* A cool listing of the 13 Most Haunted Places: CLICK HERE

* Sorry, no link for this one. Try and seek out the great jazz/scat song, Halloween Spooks by Lambert, Hendricks & Ross, it's a wacky tune by a highly underrated jazz trio from the early 60's.

* They say that Halloween night is the best time to try and connect to the spirit world...The Online Ouija Board makes it easy! CLICK HERE

* Find out what famous folk were Born on Halloween. CLICK HERE

* Imagine dressing up as Chuck Barris, or a Rubik's Cube...yup, here they are a gallery of The Worst Halloween Costumes ever! CLICK HERE

* Behold the greatest Halloween treat of all times, The Food of the Gods: Ladies and gentleman, Candy Corn! CLICK HERE


Have a Marvelous Halloween, All!



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