Why do I often still feel like a confused adolescent?
When do I get those answers that are supposed to come with age?
Where is that ship of mine that was supposed to be coming in to port?
Why won't the AARP leave me alone and stop sending me those damn membership cards?
Should I start taking Geritol?
Will I start craving dinner at 4:00pm?
Has the parade really passed me by (that would explain the confetti I found on my car this morning)?
Will my mid-life crisis be full of red sports cars, flashy clothes and arm candy; or will it be just more of the same?
Will my deep-seated anger over world affairs be tempered by age?
Will my wanting to punch out the lights of big mouth conservative assholes be tempered with age?
And finally, and most importantly; will the greatest mystery of my life-time ever be revealed: Will Carly Simon ever tell us who You're So Vain is really about?