Sunday, September 09, 2007

White Wedding Day

Yesterday, my good pal, Karl, married off his daughter. He had invited a small contingent of co-workers from Officeland that included myself, Medbh, Lulu and The Contessa. Since Whatshisname had a family obligation, he could not attend, so I drove The Contessa.

We followed Medbh who assured us that she was very familiar with the back roads of the most southern end of the state of New Jersey which we were to travel. So I followed Medbh and Lulu.

The four of us made it to the church with very little drama, and upon entering the sanctuary, The Contessa asked one of the ushers, "Doll, where's the bar?" I reminded her that we were at a church, not the reception hall, so she rolled her eyes and pulled out her flask from her hip pocket and stumbled to her pew.

The ceremony was brief, the bride was beautiful and with the exception of Medbh getting a tad riled up when the preacher kept making mention of how the bride should be a "submissive" wife, all went well.

After the church, we got back into our cars and headed even further south to go to the reception. After about forty five minutes of driving, The Contessa said, "I don't think Miss Medbh knows where she's going", and as if in on cue, Medbh slammed on her brakes, causing me to do likewise.

I turned to see if my passenger was alright, and saw that centrifugal force had made The Contessa's wig to go askew, her necklace to come undone (dropping fake pearls everywhere), and her flask to go flying - spraying cheap gin all over the dashboard of my car.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"Fine, doll", she replied wiping the spilled gin up with her wig.

We continued on our way, and after a time it became obvious we were lost.

Sensing that we were in a neighborhood of mostly Hispanic people, The Contessa said, "I'll find out where this place is, I have a connection to the less fortunate", and with that she rolled down her window and started yelling out to a group of Mexican men who were standing in front of a bar, "Yoo Hoo, Pedro, Vio con dios ... por favor'... WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?!?!?"

Yanking her back from the window, I made a cell call to Karl and finally figured out how to get where we were going.

We got to the hall, and before I even had the car parked, The Contessa had flown the coop and made her way to the bar.

Inside, a softly lit room greeted us and food and liquor flowed. Medbh and Lulu took one look around and decided it was time to bring out their own weapons of mass distraction. The girls removed their wraps and made themselves comfortable.

I made a trip to the bar and brought back drinks for our table. There seemed to be some discussion over the margarita that I had brought back for Lulu. She took a sip, and grimaced, "Pax, are you sure you got me a margarita?" I took the drink back, and the surly bartender said, "Of course it's a margarita! Don't you think I know how to mix a margarita?" I brought the drink back to Lulu who sniffed at it and put it aside. She refused to take a sip of the questionable drink.

Later on, when dinner was served, we could not find The Contessa. As we were making our way to the buffet, I spotted her at the bar trying to pick up one of the Groomsmen. I waved her over to the food, but she shook her head and then pointed to the young fellow she was cruising, winking at me.

Dinner was great, and the desert table proved decadent -- cake or death? as I like to ask--

As the afternoon progressed, dancing started, and it was nice to see amongst the couples another gay couple getting their grove on.

In fact this was a rather gay time all things considered. The father of the bride was with his male partner - the gay couple dancing unfettered, me, The Contessa ... yeah there was a nice representation of the Friends of Dorothy at this otherwise heterosexual affair.

Anyway, after a time, I realized that I had a long drive ahead of me, so I bid farewell, arranging for The Contessa (who was leading a conga line at this point) to ride home with Medbh and Lulu.

On the way back, I drove rural roads of south Jersey, the sun setting behind me, and turned on my MP3 player the music of Carly Simon eerily playing ... "But you say it's time we moved in together, and raised a family of our own you and me, well that's the way I've always heard it should be, you want to marry me..."

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