Monday, August 20, 2007

Can I Get A Witness?

When I got home from work this afternoon, I found a handwritten letter (click on the picture on the left to have a look) on the kitchen table. Figuring that it was a mash note or some fan mail I scooped it up and read it.

In part it went like this: ... I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses, engaged in a volunteer ministry work. We haven't been able to speak with you personally, and we don't want you to miss out on the good news...

Good news? Had I won the Jehovah's Witness lottery? Was it as big as one of those Catholic Church 50/50 raffles? Intrigued, I read on... In response to Jesus's commands found at Matthew 24:14 and Matthew 28:19, 20, we are speaking to others about the good news of God's Kingdom and what it will accomplish in our behalf. A short explanation of this is contained in the enclosed pamphlets...

Realizing that it was just someone who felt the need to spread the word of their mythological beliefs, I put the letter down and went about my business.

Later on when Whatshisname got home he asked, "Did you see that letter?"

I told him I had, and he went on to say that the letter was in a plain envelope stuck on the doorknob, "For a second I thought it was a chain-letter; but instead I saw that it was just something from one of those crazy Jehovah's Witness people."

Picking the letter back up I noticed that it's author had signed her name and address (in case we wanted to talk more about her group's 'Bible Study Program').

"We should write her back", I said, "Maybe tell her that we want to talk to her about our beliefs!"

"You have no beliefs", my partner said dryly.

"Oh, excuse me, Billy Graham", I replied picking up one of the enclosed pamphlets, examining it.

"Hey", I said, "look at this one pamphlet it's called, 'Enjoying Family Life', and here is this white-bread family sitting in a meadow, and the father has a parakeet perched on his finger!"

He looked at the pamphlet and said, "That's a cockatiel".

I looked back at the hand-out and replied, "I know my birds, that's a parrot, just like Long John Silver had!"

"So pirates go to heaven?" he asked.

"I don't think this is a picture of heaven ... however", I said as I snatched the other pamphlet up, "This is."

On the second pamphlet was an African-American man and woman sitting in a meadow surrounded by poppies, pumpkins and a bushel of apples. Behind them an Elk is staring off in the distance, and behind that are a few horses. The title of the pamphlet was, 'All Suffering, SOON TO END!'

"See here, these black people are in heaven and it looks like their is plenty of opium and lots of fixin's for pies ... oh and they have elks and log cabins in heaven too!"

He studied the second hand-out and rolled his eyes.

"Do you think that the Jehovah's believe in separate but equal heavens? Is it broken down by race? Does that mean I'll have to go to Italian heaven? And what about people who are mixed race?", I asked laughing.

"I guess we'd better write this lady back and ask her", my better half replied.

And so for the past few hours I've been toying with the idea about sending my new pen pal a letter ...

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