Sunday, May 13, 2007

Things that Always Happen at an Italian Wedding

* Uninvited neighborhood women, love to pack the last few pews of the church to see the bride.
* Invariably, one of the older uncles has packed a flask, and passes it around during the hour and a half ceremony/mass to the other older guests.
* One of the bride's maids is noticeably pregnant.
* The priest screws up either the bride or groom's name.
* The older aunts cry very loudly when the bride comes back down the aisle.
* The reception hall will be located on a seedy side street in a rather dicey part of town.
* Said reception hall will be decked out to the nth degree in 'South Philly Glitz' that may included statuary of various Greek Gods, a lot of string lights, tons of white and gold cloth, and displays of gaudy fake flowers.
* Pasta, meatballs and roast beef will be served.
* Everyone will comment on the meatballs and "gravy" and how it's not as good as the meatballs and "gravy" their mother's used to make.
* The DJ is obligated to play music by Jerry Vale, Perry Como, Frank Sinatra, and Rosemary Clooney during the meal.
* After the meal, the DJ will say, "Let's get this party started", and will play, "In The Mood" at which point older relatives will jitterbug, or middle-aged daughters will dance with their elderly fathers.
* The bride and her father dance to, "Daddy's Little Girl".
* Dances like, "The Electric Slide" and "Soul City Walking" are danced like variations of "The Alley Cat".
* A block of 50's music will be played, followed by a block of Motown tunes.
* An unknown guest gets very drunk and causes a scene. Voices are raised and drama ensues. The DJ saves the day by playing "In the Mood" again - very loudly.
* Their is a big fountain in the corner filled with orange juice and vodka. Usually some-one's kid steals a drink from the fountain.
* The goddamn Mummer's Strut!! (a Philadelphia oddity)
* One will hear all kinds of stories at the bar from friends of the groom - most stories include brushes with the law.
* At the desert table the following proclamation will be heard, "What, no cannoli?"
* An impromptu "kick line" forms on the dance floor during Frank Sinatra's version of "New York, New York".
* The mother of the bride goes to every table and asks, "Are you having a good time, hon?"
* The bride, no matter what shape, size or height, always looks beautiful.
* The groom gets drunk.
* Several of the younger male guests take their ties off and make head bands out of them.
* Papa and Mama Romano get toasted and are an unending source of amusement on the ride back to Joisey.

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