Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Pax's Guide To Holiday Gift Assembly (1)


If you've received any gifts this year that require assembly, fear not, I am here to assist.

Today we begin with a gift my sister gave me, a pneumatic computer chair. It was a breeze to assemble...follow along with me, OK?

1: Before you begin, locate a screwdriver, phillip's head screwdriver, a vodka screwdriver and various other tools that you might need.

2: Remove contents from the box and place them in a neat line on the floor.

3: Glance at instructions, but note that said directives are written in Cantonese, toss directions in fireplace or trash bin.

4: Take a sip of vodka screwdriver.

5: Find easiest place to start, which is usually putting the wheels on the base. Place wheels on base, jump up and down on base until wheels snap into place.

6: Turn bottom of chair over and insert pneumatic lift on to it.

7: Realize that you've put lift on backwards. Remove it, turn it around, reattach it.

8: Sip some more of vodka screwdriver (you might want to use the phillip's head to stir your drink).

9: Shove pneumatic lift pole into base and jump up and down on it until it snaps into place.

10: Attach arm rests to back of chair. Curse out loud while doing this and you will find that it goes much easier.

11: Mix another vodka screwdriver and take a brake, you've earned it.

12: Now, attach back of chair to front of chair ... I'm not sure how you do this, but eventually you'll figure it out.

13: Now go sit in your new chair, sip your drink and prepare to surf the net in style!

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